Happy 2010 everyone!
"The Baumer" will be taking over for Keyon starting Monday, Jan. 4. But don't worry, the K-man will still be checking in often in the new year. Next week, we'll take a look back at 2009 and make some predictions for 2010 -- including college bowls and the NFL playoffs.
Help us get things started by visiting http://scoreonair.com/fr_bballinseason.cfm and voting for the top athlete of the past decade. Is it Tiger, Kobe or someone else? You decide!
We'll talk to you again on Monday at 5 p.m. at scoreonair.com.
Happy New Year!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
A country for Old Men
As we watch Bret(OLD MAN #1) play possibly the best football of his career at the ripe age of 40 we can only wonder is it something in the Minnesota water. Who would have ever thought Favre and league low in interceptions would be in the same sentence. Its seem as if the guns slinger with no regard for who he hits has become the deadly assassin in the finer years of his career. They say maturity makes you smarter, well if thats true Favre now a Genius. So what would that make Iverson(OLD MAN #2)? One of my top three all-time players has now been ship out of town three times in two years. Finding himself back where he began his career in a deminished but comfy role as A STARTER. Seems hes the only one that doesnt realize that his skills are not what they where even a year ago. Or maybe the joke is on us and he will have a revival with a career year such as Favre. Im thinking the water isnt as good in Philly as it is in Minnesota.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Small Market Lockout
With the league championship series on underway, it seems to be clear that baseball is only for the richest of rich. If the Phillies and the Yankees oppose each other in the world series, the game one pitching match up would most likely be C.C. Sabathia against Cliff Lee. For those who are not aware, they are both Cy Young winners. They are both newly acquired to there teams this year and they both were pitching for the Cleveland Indians just a year and a half ago. Baseball has its player turnover. Players leave for better situations in all sports, but the new millennium has brought on a new meaning of fair in baseball. There was once upon my lifetime where the Royals, Indians, Pirates and Blue Jays were the cream of the crop in baseball. Now the only time they're relevant to baseball is when it comes time to trade one of there star players because they wont be able to sign them in the off-season. Making it no longer feasible to put together a collection of players in order to compete for a championship. While there is the rare exception, the world series trophy up for sale and Bum Selig is the auctioneer.!
Friday, October 2, 2009
"The most wonderful time of the year"
If you're a sports fan, there is no better month of the year than october. Baseball candle begins to burn the brightest with the playoffs in full swing. Football, college and pro is giving us a rush as the hard hitting, upsetting and over joyed action is finally back. Hockey starts with more skill and excitement than the year before, and basketball is building anticipation as preseason high flyers grace our tubes after a long awaited off season. I get a chill knowing there is no dead sports air. There is something happening every night that may not only be a moment, but history in the making. So I am force to borrow the phrase of one Andy Williams. "ITS The Most Wonderful Time of the YEEAARRRR........"
Monday, August 10, 2009
Red Sox..
So I'm sure Joe was nice enough to fill you in on everything going on in Red Sox Nation last week in my "vacation". but what will he say today after they were swept by the arch nemesis? tunei n to hear, B-ball in Season, 5 p.m., Only on Scoreonair.com
Suit
Suit
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
TRADE RUMORS
So the Newest Member of B-Ball in Season has contacts.
Joe Holts pulled a Buster Onley and got the Inside scoop. Using "A Reliable source" who unlike most times, actually is a reliable source, to get the scoop on trade talk involving the Toronto Blue Jays.
Roy Halliday Talks with Philadelphia have died down, as they have really not been on the good side of Toronto GM J.P. Richardi. Boston and LA are now the front runners.
Scott Rolen is being talked about in a deal involving Edwin Encarnacion. Of course, the Reds have no money, so they aren't going to do anything.
Thats all we got.
Suit out.
Joe Holts pulled a Buster Onley and got the Inside scoop. Using "A Reliable source" who unlike most times, actually is a reliable source, to get the scoop on trade talk involving the Toronto Blue Jays.
Roy Halliday Talks with Philadelphia have died down, as they have really not been on the good side of Toronto GM J.P. Richardi. Boston and LA are now the front runners.
Scott Rolen is being talked about in a deal involving Edwin Encarnacion. Of course, the Reds have no money, so they aren't going to do anything.
Thats all we got.
Suit out.
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Case for A-Rod
Let me paint a picture for you. You, are a major league baseball player. One of the best. The ICON of NEW YORK. You where the pinstripes, full of history, tradition, and anything else that makes up baseball. Many people say you are the one who will over take Barry Bonds, and make the home run record matter again, something without an asterisk.
And then, something from your past strikes back.. Something that you thought was long gone, a mistake that you would never have to answer to. Something that you knew was wrong, and quit because of it. Because of your stardom, a reporter has decided to make it her goal to pull up enough dirt on you to make a book out of it and make a good amount of money in the process. She discovers that mistake you had made 6 years ago. In 2003, you tested positive for Steroids. In 2003, Steroids were illegal, but there was no punishment. It was about as harmless as not wearing a seat belt. Yes it was illegal, but no one really cared, or did anything about it.
And of course the media erupted. How could he do this?! He is a horrible person. There is no way he's getting into the hall of fame now! He's worthless now, just drop him and be done with him! And just in case things aren't bad enough for you, you have a growth in your hip, and will need surgery to take it out and repair any damage done. Looks like you're going to miss at least the first two months of the season.
When you finally come back, you struggle. You can't find your swing. After all, you are coming off of hip surgery. And everyone is accusing you of being off of steroids now, and since you are.. You're no good anymore. You're nothing.Alex Rodriguez, YOU ARE WASHED UP. Things couldn't be worse.
Now, Let me paint a similar, yet very different picture. You, are a Major League Baseball player. One of the Best. The ICON of LOS ANGELES. You wear Dodger Blue, a color that more than anything... Has more history in a city it is no longer in. Many people call you the greatest hitter of our generation. But, You are pretty lazy when it comes to fielding. And you DID practically quit on your team last year in order to be traded to Los Angeles. But aside from that, everyone LOVES you. There is no equivalent to you on the west coast. You have a fun loving personality, and a smile that people can't help but smile back at.
And then, some wacky Ex-MLB player comes out and says he doesn't now for sure, but he has a hunch that you are using Performance enhancing drugs. And of course, you ARE you. No one's going to believe that are they? Of course you answer the questions in a fitting way, parallel to the persona you have given off. You say, "I don't even know the guy" and people burst out laughing. You have the Media in your hands.
A couple months pass, and some news breaks out. The MLB has handed down a 50 game suspension on you. Why? Performance enhancing drugs. well, kind of. you test positive for a women's fertility drug. but why would you take a women's drug? to mask the PED's you had taken. Hmm... Well this sucks.
And of course the Media Erupts....Right? Wow, i never would have thought he would do that, it's too bad.... He took women's drugs? ha-ha, thats just Him being Him..... Well, he probably will enjoy the vacation , 50 games he doesn't have to play.
When you finally make you're return, fan's flock to see you at the ballpark. They come in droves, wearing wigs that resemble you're trademark dreadlocks. People chant when you come to bat, Network TV stations switch there local coverage to view your at bats around the globe. you are back. Well, forget that you went 1 for 6 in your first two games back and sat out the third because you were tired playing two games in a row. (After all, baseball is a physically demanding sport) You are back now, and the world loves it.Manny Ramirez, YOU ARE FINALLY BACK. Things couldn't be better.
Just let that sink in for a minute.
Now tell me what is so similar about the stories. The charges against the players? Perhaps. But you have to remember, one was done 6 years ago, when you could get in more trouble for chewing bubble gum at a ballpark. And the other happened just a few months ago, while baseball is in the middle of purging its sport from steroids and all other Performance Enhancing Drugs.
Now tell me what is so different about the stories. The Verdict? So as we discussed in the last paragraph, the charges are a little different from each other. One got off free, penalty wise at least. But he was also the one that tested positive when there was NO PENALTY for doing steroids. The other one, got a 50 game suspension. The standard penalty at that time. No more, no less.
Now tell me what else is different about the stories. The Outcome? Absolutely. One was welcomed back as a hero, the other, shunned, and disgraced, as if he had owed us better. We the fans, the media, deserved better from him.
Now as we look at the Outcomes, and what player they were assigned to, the logic in this argument begins to fall apart. Logic would tell you the one who used the PED's when they were pretty much legal, who fought through all the adversity, would be welcomed back as the hero he was, standing up, admitting he was wrong in doing it, owning up to everything. He would surely get the heroes welcome, right? WRONG. Not in this world. Not in the world that is Major League Baseball. The one who Receives the Heroes welcome is the one who, as a slap in the face to baseball as a whole, continued to use, and even tried to mask the drugs with MORE drugs, even as baseball was trying to cleanse itself from this horrible reputation. He receives the Heroes welcome. And the one who owned up, admitted, and had the past use, not the use when it was strictly prohibited? He gets the Shaft from the fans, the media, and the baseball world as a whole.
Now let me say, I do not believe either of them deserved a heroes welcome. Neither of them deserved to be welcomed back with open arms. It's just not the way the world should run. I'm just pointing out that if one had to get the raw deal, why that one? And if one had to get the heroes welcome, why that one?
Alex Rodriguez, and Manny Ramirez both command respect. My question is, are we as a following of sports fans, sure which one deserves more?
Todd Merrill
-For more from Todd Merrill, Tune into B-ball In Season, The Best Internet baseball and Basketball Show, 5 p.m. Only on Scoreonair.com
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
THE GREAT SHAQOVIC
Rumors have been made public, therefore there is no way they can be rumors anymore.
The Cleveland Cavaliers have been spotted trying to trade and aqcuire Shaquille O'Neal from the Phoenix Suns, and therefore making me a very happy man.
Shaquille O'Neal is the one thing that the Cav's need. No questions asked. The ONE glaring problem they had in the playoffs was at the post. They has no threat to take the low ball from lebron when he drove to the hoop. SHAQ is the answer.
Also, the Cincinnati Red's Finally one a game they were supposed to, after losing to the Nationals ansd getting swept by the then AL Central worst Kansas City Royals. They defeated the Atlanta Braves 7-2 after a 2 hour rain delay in Cincinnati. Good for them.
Too bad we couldn't say the same for the Indians... losing 7-5 to the Brewers for a second straight night.
Thats all for Today, Tune in to the show for more info!
THE SUIT
Todd Merrill
The Cleveland Cavaliers have been spotted trying to trade and aqcuire Shaquille O'Neal from the Phoenix Suns, and therefore making me a very happy man.
Shaquille O'Neal is the one thing that the Cav's need. No questions asked. The ONE glaring problem they had in the playoffs was at the post. They has no threat to take the low ball from lebron when he drove to the hoop. SHAQ is the answer.
Also, the Cincinnati Red's Finally one a game they were supposed to, after losing to the Nationals ansd getting swept by the then AL Central worst Kansas City Royals. They defeated the Atlanta Braves 7-2 after a 2 hour rain delay in Cincinnati. Good for them.
Too bad we couldn't say the same for the Indians... losing 7-5 to the Brewers for a second straight night.
Thats all for Today, Tune in to the show for more info!
THE SUIT
Todd Merrill
Monday, June 15, 2009
soo....
I come to the readers today with my tail tucked between my legs. something about the orlando magic has me in a spell that only ended when they finally lost the championship.
I had picked the Magic in 7 games. Silly me.
The Lakers came to Orlando and left with a championship. In FIVE GAMES.
Not quite the Magic in 7...
But I was almost right. Kinda
I had picked the Magic in 7 games. Silly me.
The Lakers came to Orlando and left with a championship. In FIVE GAMES.
Not quite the Magic in 7...
But I was almost right. Kinda
Monday, June 8, 2009
Don't get used to this... again.
So when is it too late to take back my pick in the finals? could the suit really be wrong on three straight series? no. The suit will not take back his pick. (orlando in 7). I'm not ready to do it. yet.
Depending on how game 3 in orlando goes, The lakers could complete a swiffer in the finals, but don't count on it going that way.
The lakers have only done what they were supposed to so far. they won at home, one was convincing. the other was lucky.
Orlando is a team that takes care of what it needs to to win. LA is a team that is so inconsistent, its hard to believe they are in the finals. (see the difference in game one and two)
I am sticking with my pick, orlando in 7. call me crazy, but nothing spectacular or series altering has happened yet
THE SUIT
Todd Merrill
Depending on how game 3 in orlando goes, The lakers could complete a swiffer in the finals, but don't count on it going that way.
The lakers have only done what they were supposed to so far. they won at home, one was convincing. the other was lucky.
Orlando is a team that takes care of what it needs to to win. LA is a team that is so inconsistent, its hard to believe they are in the finals. (see the difference in game one and two)
I am sticking with my pick, orlando in 7. call me crazy, but nothing spectacular or series altering has happened yet
THE SUIT
Todd Merrill
Thursday, June 4, 2009
FINALS
The NBA Finals Start tonight. Not the matchup any of us on B-ball in season expected. and not the matchup anyone wanted.
Dwight Howard hit the nail on the head when he said that he felt disrespected that everyone was penciling in Cleveland and LA into the finals. well Dwight, you took care of that.
As Orlando and LA get ready to get under way, I can't help but laugh at all the experts saying that Orlando doesn't have the depth and athleticism to compete with the Lakers. that is the EXACT thing we heard before the Magic swept (4-1) the Cavs, and that Lebron would be too much. well, Lebron was... but unfortunately no one else was.
Orlando played the cavs perfectly. Lebron is not a score 80 points guy. he is a score 35 every game guy. he's steady, consistent. and he consistently wasnt enough to beat the magic Himself.
Watch for kobe to go crazy, and for this series to be closer than the experts think.
Magic in a Knock down, Drag out (4-3)
THE SUIT,
Todd
Dwight Howard hit the nail on the head when he said that he felt disrespected that everyone was penciling in Cleveland and LA into the finals. well Dwight, you took care of that.
As Orlando and LA get ready to get under way, I can't help but laugh at all the experts saying that Orlando doesn't have the depth and athleticism to compete with the Lakers. that is the EXACT thing we heard before the Magic swept (4-1) the Cavs, and that Lebron would be too much. well, Lebron was... but unfortunately no one else was.
Orlando played the cavs perfectly. Lebron is not a score 80 points guy. he is a score 35 every game guy. he's steady, consistent. and he consistently wasnt enough to beat the magic Himself.
Watch for kobe to go crazy, and for this series to be closer than the experts think.
Magic in a Knock down, Drag out (4-3)
THE SUIT,
Todd
Monday, May 18, 2009
Conference Finals!
SO the suit was wrong. Don't get used to it. The Magic proved me wrong and defeated the Celtics in Boston in the deciding game 7, advancing to the conference finals to face the cavs, in a series where they will be swept (4-1)
AND I was right about the lakers, they advance to face the Nuggets in the western conference finals. I see this one going the distance in a Knock down, Drag out. Lakers, 4-3.
SO the suit has the cavs and lakers in the finals, just like everyone used to. good thing i'm original.
This is it for the suit.
Todd Merrill
THE SUIT
AND I was right about the lakers, they advance to face the Nuggets in the western conference finals. I see this one going the distance in a Knock down, Drag out. Lakers, 4-3.
SO the suit has the cavs and lakers in the finals, just like everyone used to. good thing i'm original.
This is it for the suit.
Todd Merrill
THE SUIT
Friday, May 15, 2009
It's Good To Be SUIT.
WOW.
Have these playoffs been something? two teams seperate themselves from the rest of the pack, but of course... one was unexpected.
Many people had the Cleveland Cavaliers and the LA Lakers meeting in the finals without much resistance on the way. Cleveland has held up their end of the deal.. but LA? they lost in Houston yesterday to set up a Decisive game 7 in LA. I don't think many people if any outside of houston gave the Rockets a chance of taking this to Seven games, but somehow, without Tracy McGrady, and Yao Ming, they have gone stride for stride with the Lakers.
Denver has stepped up into the spotlight and Replaced the Lakers as the team no one wants to play right now in the west. Where did this come from? If you ask me (and you don't have to, It's my blog, and I already did) The secret Ingredient may have been replacing an old worn out Allen Iverson with a Veteran who's been there, done that in Chauncey Billups, who is making his 7th straight appearance in the conference finals. AMAZING. so lets recap... -Allen Iverson + Chauncey Billups = MAGIC
Speaking of Magic, they are locked in another 7 games series with a team that many expected to roll over and play dead when they lost their best player right before the playoffs started. but they didn't, and now the celtics have a chance to advance to their 2nd straight conference final, and play the Cavaliers. I may be bias, but I believe the Cavs win against whoever they play.
Game 7 predictions
LA over Houston - LA is too much at home for houston to deal with, escpecially without YAO.
Boston over Orlando - They've been winning all postseason when they weren't supposed to. so why not now? Home court Decided this series.
Thats it for the SUITS playoff Recap.
Until Next Time.
Todd Merrill
THE SUIT
Have these playoffs been something? two teams seperate themselves from the rest of the pack, but of course... one was unexpected.
Many people had the Cleveland Cavaliers and the LA Lakers meeting in the finals without much resistance on the way. Cleveland has held up their end of the deal.. but LA? they lost in Houston yesterday to set up a Decisive game 7 in LA. I don't think many people if any outside of houston gave the Rockets a chance of taking this to Seven games, but somehow, without Tracy McGrady, and Yao Ming, they have gone stride for stride with the Lakers.
Denver has stepped up into the spotlight and Replaced the Lakers as the team no one wants to play right now in the west. Where did this come from? If you ask me (and you don't have to, It's my blog, and I already did) The secret Ingredient may have been replacing an old worn out Allen Iverson with a Veteran who's been there, done that in Chauncey Billups, who is making his 7th straight appearance in the conference finals. AMAZING. so lets recap... -Allen Iverson + Chauncey Billups = MAGIC
Speaking of Magic, they are locked in another 7 games series with a team that many expected to roll over and play dead when they lost their best player right before the playoffs started. but they didn't, and now the celtics have a chance to advance to their 2nd straight conference final, and play the Cavaliers. I may be bias, but I believe the Cavs win against whoever they play.
Game 7 predictions
LA over Houston - LA is too much at home for houston to deal with, escpecially without YAO.
Boston over Orlando - They've been winning all postseason when they weren't supposed to. so why not now? Home court Decided this series.
Thats it for the SUITS playoff Recap.
Until Next Time.
Todd Merrill
THE SUIT
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Welcome to the Jungle.
B-ball in Season is your NUMBER ONE blog to find everything basketball on scoreonair.com, and mostly everything baseball.
The Cleveland Cavaliers completed the swiffer of the Atlanta Hawks, winning 74-64 in Atlanta Monday night.
Now Remember, we call it a swiffer, rather than a sweep, because it is our consensus belief (and it should also be yours) that Swiffers work better than a regular broom, hence leading to a more commanding stature. If you are too lazy to read our last entry, a swiffer is a 4-0 series win, a sweep has been downgraded to 4-1, followed by a dustbunny(4-2) and finally a Knock down-dragout. (4-3)
The Cavaliers are now the only team in NBA history to win there first 8 games in the playoffs by more than 10 points. And if you think about it, winning the first two series by swiffers is amazing, let alone by double digits EVERY time. Never before, in a parity filled league, has a team been this dominant in a playoff of the leagues best teams. Simply stunning.
The Magic and Celtics play tonight, also the Rockets and Lakers, each having there series tied at 2.
Roger Clemens has come out and talked for the first time in a long time about his steroid use. He still denies ever using them. Even when the fact of his long time Teammate Andy Pettite said he remembers talking to clemens about using steroids and HGH, clemens says that Pettite "misremembers". a likely story.
Back with more tomorrow,
I'm Todd Merrill - The Suit
The Cleveland Cavaliers completed the swiffer of the Atlanta Hawks, winning 74-64 in Atlanta Monday night.
Now Remember, we call it a swiffer, rather than a sweep, because it is our consensus belief (and it should also be yours) that Swiffers work better than a regular broom, hence leading to a more commanding stature. If you are too lazy to read our last entry, a swiffer is a 4-0 series win, a sweep has been downgraded to 4-1, followed by a dustbunny(4-2) and finally a Knock down-dragout. (4-3)
The Cavaliers are now the only team in NBA history to win there first 8 games in the playoffs by more than 10 points. And if you think about it, winning the first two series by swiffers is amazing, let alone by double digits EVERY time. Never before, in a parity filled league, has a team been this dominant in a playoff of the leagues best teams. Simply stunning.
The Magic and Celtics play tonight, also the Rockets and Lakers, each having there series tied at 2.
Roger Clemens has come out and talked for the first time in a long time about his steroid use. He still denies ever using them. Even when the fact of his long time Teammate Andy Pettite said he remembers talking to clemens about using steroids and HGH, clemens says that Pettite "misremembers". a likely story.
Back with more tomorrow,
I'm Todd Merrill - The Suit
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
April 22nd... a Show that will live in Infamy
So when I Arrived at the Scoreonair studio, I was kind of pleasantly surprised that I had to wait to get situated, as another show was recording their show live. which almost never happens in the evening. Now, I will let them off the hook for using MY studio, because I walked into school about 3:30... an hour and a half before our show airs. whatever. but at any rate, in a round about way, that got me off to a bad start to the day. also, half of my crew was at the clippers game doing there due diligence in the internship that isn't quite as important as the B-ball in Season one. luckily, they were able to get to the studio on time. which is a good thing, because if not they would have definitely gotten a pay cut courtesy of the suit.
But With that, the show began. we first talked about the sweep of a playoff series. we then brought up that a swiffer should be a 4-1 win of a series. but then, with much debate, we decided that a swiffer actually works better than a broom, so therefore, a swiffer is when a team wins a series 4-0, and a sweep is now winning a series 4-1. yours truly was on the phone all night trying to talk to david stern to get this fact made official by the NBA, but he had to go due important comissioner stuff, and said something about our idea being complete bull crap, and who the heck is B-ball in season. i knew he was probably very tired and the lack of sleep was getting to him, because, honestly... who is B-ball in Season? what a stupid question. a radio show that is heard around the world, and he has NO idea? but whatever, i'll call him today when he is not so tired.
in the second segment of the show, Nick Mistic did some simple math over the air, and then premiered our new segment This Day in NBA History.
Our good friend Dikembe Mutumbo Also announced his retirement from the NBA, after 18 years of wagging the finger and losing in the playoffs.
Burrs brought up the fact that Greg Oden hurt dikembe, and that sparked the trouble maker nick mistic to say he was a bust. nick was then removed from the studio. (we dont mean it greg)
Here are the suits picks for the first round, and also, the key we have established in picking
swiffer- 4-0
sweep- 4-1
dust bunny- 4-2
knock down drag out- 4-3
WEST
LA lakers over Utah, swiffer
Denver over new orleans, sweep
Dallas over San Antonio, Knock down drag out
Portland over Houston, dust bunny
EAST
Cleveland over detroit, swiffer
chicago over boston, knock down drag out
Orlando over Sixers, dust Bunny
Atlanta over Miami, Dust Bunny
BASEBALL
baseball started off with more of Nick Mistics babbling.
then the important stuff started.
I interrupted the show to talk about the blog that you are actually reading right now, which if you ask me, is the best part of todays show.
We had the segment Tribe Talk, and talked about the Indians turning six double plays in one game. i'm not impressed though. now, if they could do two in one inning, i'd be impressed.
Then, we had nick mistic keep babbling, something about the reds being relevant. I really didn't pay attention. quite honestly i kind of tuned him out when he said reds and playoffs in the same sentence. i've had my heart broken too many times to go back now.. i'm a new man. i dont need them to complete me. i've moved on to someone better. she's green and has sixteen chunks of pineapple in her.(monsters and aliens, for those who have seen that, its very funny. for the rest of you... I sound...challenged. kinda like nick mistic.)
then we talked about baseball movies. we listed some great ones, like Bull Durham and field of dreams. quite honestly my favorite baseball movie of all time is probably rookie of the year. its based on a true story. i say that, because everyone knows that its possible for a kid to be able to throw a 100 mph fastball, but the cubs could never win the world series. thats quite a stretch.
the third segment got started off by talking about anal. and we quickly moved to dscussing more baseball movies.
as you can see, this hour was a complete waste of time. but dont worry. chances are, if your reading this, you didn't have to hear it, you just wasted 10 minutes reading this. and i apologize. but if you listened and now your reading this, i can't say i feel sorry for you. thats your own mistake. so this is the suit, join me tomorrow as we continue the quest to put radio into words... or well... written words. should be fun. everyday at 6 a new post will be posted. until then loyal listeners and readers, until then.
Todd Merrill - THE SUIT
But With that, the show began. we first talked about the sweep of a playoff series. we then brought up that a swiffer should be a 4-1 win of a series. but then, with much debate, we decided that a swiffer actually works better than a broom, so therefore, a swiffer is when a team wins a series 4-0, and a sweep is now winning a series 4-1. yours truly was on the phone all night trying to talk to david stern to get this fact made official by the NBA, but he had to go due important comissioner stuff, and said something about our idea being complete bull crap, and who the heck is B-ball in season. i knew he was probably very tired and the lack of sleep was getting to him, because, honestly... who is B-ball in Season? what a stupid question. a radio show that is heard around the world, and he has NO idea? but whatever, i'll call him today when he is not so tired.
in the second segment of the show, Nick Mistic did some simple math over the air, and then premiered our new segment This Day in NBA History.
Our good friend Dikembe Mutumbo Also announced his retirement from the NBA, after 18 years of wagging the finger and losing in the playoffs.
Burrs brought up the fact that Greg Oden hurt dikembe, and that sparked the trouble maker nick mistic to say he was a bust. nick was then removed from the studio. (we dont mean it greg)
Here are the suits picks for the first round, and also, the key we have established in picking
swiffer- 4-0
sweep- 4-1
dust bunny- 4-2
knock down drag out- 4-3
WEST
LA lakers over Utah, swiffer
Denver over new orleans, sweep
Dallas over San Antonio, Knock down drag out
Portland over Houston, dust bunny
EAST
Cleveland over detroit, swiffer
chicago over boston, knock down drag out
Orlando over Sixers, dust Bunny
Atlanta over Miami, Dust Bunny
BASEBALL
baseball started off with more of Nick Mistics babbling.
then the important stuff started.
I interrupted the show to talk about the blog that you are actually reading right now, which if you ask me, is the best part of todays show.
We had the segment Tribe Talk, and talked about the Indians turning six double plays in one game. i'm not impressed though. now, if they could do two in one inning, i'd be impressed.
Then, we had nick mistic keep babbling, something about the reds being relevant. I really didn't pay attention. quite honestly i kind of tuned him out when he said reds and playoffs in the same sentence. i've had my heart broken too many times to go back now.. i'm a new man. i dont need them to complete me. i've moved on to someone better. she's green and has sixteen chunks of pineapple in her.(monsters and aliens, for those who have seen that, its very funny. for the rest of you... I sound...challenged. kinda like nick mistic.)
then we talked about baseball movies. we listed some great ones, like Bull Durham and field of dreams. quite honestly my favorite baseball movie of all time is probably rookie of the year. its based on a true story. i say that, because everyone knows that its possible for a kid to be able to throw a 100 mph fastball, but the cubs could never win the world series. thats quite a stretch.
the third segment got started off by talking about anal. and we quickly moved to dscussing more baseball movies.
as you can see, this hour was a complete waste of time. but dont worry. chances are, if your reading this, you didn't have to hear it, you just wasted 10 minutes reading this. and i apologize. but if you listened and now your reading this, i can't say i feel sorry for you. thats your own mistake. so this is the suit, join me tomorrow as we continue the quest to put radio into words... or well... written words. should be fun. everyday at 6 a new post will be posted. until then loyal listeners and readers, until then.
Todd Merrill - THE SUIT
Monday, April 20, 2009
Show on Monday, April 20th
With B-Nowlin leading the way, the crew looked through the NBA playoff action.
In the East, we like the Cavs to sweep Detroit, and the Celtics look like the may be in trouble without KG.
also, the Magic may be without their all-star big man, Dwight Howard. he is going to the doctor to see about his seeing, as he has an eye injury that may limit his availability in their series against Philly.
In the west, San Antonio lost there first game against dallas, in a series that we called a sweep by San Antonio. shows what we know. Can the Dallas Mavericks pull off the upset? we hope not.
Houston beat up on Portland, at Portland.
The Nuggets beat up the Hornets and really sent the message why they are the 2 seed in the west.
baseball season continues as we highlighted the indians 18 run win over the yankees, 22-4.
with that, we come to a close, and we will see you again tomorrow, live at 5 pm!
In the East, we like the Cavs to sweep Detroit, and the Celtics look like the may be in trouble without KG.
also, the Magic may be without their all-star big man, Dwight Howard. he is going to the doctor to see about his seeing, as he has an eye injury that may limit his availability in their series against Philly.
In the west, San Antonio lost there first game against dallas, in a series that we called a sweep by San Antonio. shows what we know. Can the Dallas Mavericks pull off the upset? we hope not.
Houston beat up on Portland, at Portland.
The Nuggets beat up the Hornets and really sent the message why they are the 2 seed in the west.
baseball season continues as we highlighted the indians 18 run win over the yankees, 22-4.
with that, we come to a close, and we will see you again tomorrow, live at 5 pm!
Monday, March 30, 2009
NCAA Bracket Blog Part 3
MIDWEST REGION ROUND TWO
Louisville Cardinals vs. Ohio State Buckeyes: The cardinal is a seed eater and the buckeye is a hairless poison nut. Cardinals are smart enough to avoid eating poisonous nuts and certainly are smart enough to beat them in a bar fight. Winner: Cardinals
Utah Utes vs. Wake Forest Demon Deacons: In the first round I picked the Utes over a wildcat and the Demon Deacons over some Vikings. What happens when they face each other? Well, I have to side with Satan on this one because he buys all my Metallica albums for me. Winner: Demon Deacons
West Virginia Mountaineers vs. Kansas Jayhawks: As discussed before a Jayhawk isn’t a real bird and Mountaineers are hearty folk, especially when it comes to drinking and fighting. I’m pretty sure that being able to drink and fight is a prerequisite for even being able to live on a mountain. The Jayhawks fought against a big slow bison in the first round but now get a mascot who not only knows how to drink and fight, but loves to drink and fight. Winner: Mountaineers
Boston College Eagles verses Michigan State Spartans: Did you see the movie 300? You just don’t tangle with Spartans. Their pectoral muscles alone can handle some drunken eagle. Winner: Spartans
WEST REGION ROUND TWO
Connecticut Huskies vs. Texas A&M Aggies: So now we’ve got the agricultural school attendee vs. a big dog that likes to pull sleds. Who is more dangerous with a belly full of tequila and a broken beer bottle in their hand? I have to go sled dog on this one. Winner: Huskies
Purdue Boilermakers vs. Washington Huskies: If I go sled dog again, that means in the next round you’ll have a sled dog verses a sled dog and the universe comes to an end. That’s like matter verses antimatter. You just don’t mix the two together unless you’re looking to stir s**t up. I’ll take the drink again. Winner: Boilermakers
Marquette Golden Eagles vs. Missouri Tigers: I am about done with eagles and tigers at this point. I mean, I can sort of understand a repeat here and there with an eagle or a bear mascot, but come on people. Did they really only think to look at tigers, bears, bulldogs and eagles? I mean, jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, there are two schools in this thing with an Aggie as their mascot! The last time I checked there are still plenty of nouns still out there. Geeesh! Winner: Tigers
Maryland Terrapins vs. Memphis Tigers: Where a terrapin was pretty effective against a bear in the first round, there are just too many damn tigers in this bar. Winner: Tigers
Jack DeVoss
ScoreOnAir.com - http://www.scoreonair.com
Ohio Center for Broadcasting
http://www.beonair.com
Louisville Cardinals vs. Ohio State Buckeyes: The cardinal is a seed eater and the buckeye is a hairless poison nut. Cardinals are smart enough to avoid eating poisonous nuts and certainly are smart enough to beat them in a bar fight. Winner: Cardinals
Utah Utes vs. Wake Forest Demon Deacons: In the first round I picked the Utes over a wildcat and the Demon Deacons over some Vikings. What happens when they face each other? Well, I have to side with Satan on this one because he buys all my Metallica albums for me. Winner: Demon Deacons
West Virginia Mountaineers vs. Kansas Jayhawks: As discussed before a Jayhawk isn’t a real bird and Mountaineers are hearty folk, especially when it comes to drinking and fighting. I’m pretty sure that being able to drink and fight is a prerequisite for even being able to live on a mountain. The Jayhawks fought against a big slow bison in the first round but now get a mascot who not only knows how to drink and fight, but loves to drink and fight. Winner: Mountaineers
Boston College Eagles verses Michigan State Spartans: Did you see the movie 300? You just don’t tangle with Spartans. Their pectoral muscles alone can handle some drunken eagle. Winner: Spartans
WEST REGION ROUND TWO
Connecticut Huskies vs. Texas A&M Aggies: So now we’ve got the agricultural school attendee vs. a big dog that likes to pull sleds. Who is more dangerous with a belly full of tequila and a broken beer bottle in their hand? I have to go sled dog on this one. Winner: Huskies
Purdue Boilermakers vs. Washington Huskies: If I go sled dog again, that means in the next round you’ll have a sled dog verses a sled dog and the universe comes to an end. That’s like matter verses antimatter. You just don’t mix the two together unless you’re looking to stir s**t up. I’ll take the drink again. Winner: Boilermakers
Marquette Golden Eagles vs. Missouri Tigers: I am about done with eagles and tigers at this point. I mean, I can sort of understand a repeat here and there with an eagle or a bear mascot, but come on people. Did they really only think to look at tigers, bears, bulldogs and eagles? I mean, jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, there are two schools in this thing with an Aggie as their mascot! The last time I checked there are still plenty of nouns still out there. Geeesh! Winner: Tigers
Maryland Terrapins vs. Memphis Tigers: Where a terrapin was pretty effective against a bear in the first round, there are just too many damn tigers in this bar. Winner: Tigers
Jack DeVoss
ScoreOnAir.com - http://www.scoreonair.com
Ohio Center for Broadcasting
http://www.beonair.com
Saturday, March 28, 2009
That Time Of Year
So the NCAA Tournament is going to be down to four teams on Monday. THE FINAL FOUR. Our panels predictions are Uconn, UNC, Louisville and Pittsburgh. Will they be Right? Tune in on Monday at 5 p.m. and listen to them tear apart there own brackets!
Also, its about that time of year to start switching over and talking about baseball! As the basketball season ends, baseball will become more prominent on the show, and baseball talk starts next week! Don't miss a thing as we preview the start of the season, on your #1 source for Basketball, and now, Baseball!
Your New Executive Producer,
Todd Merrill
Also, its about that time of year to start switching over and talking about baseball! As the basketball season ends, baseball will become more prominent on the show, and baseball talk starts next week! Don't miss a thing as we preview the start of the season, on your #1 source for Basketball, and now, Baseball!
Your New Executive Producer,
Todd Merrill
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
NCAA Bracket Blog Part TWO
EAST REGION ROUND ONE
Pittsburgh Panthers vs. East Tennessee State Buccaneers: This one was tough to pick. Buccaneers not only know how to fight, but they know how to drink pretty well too. Panthers can fight, but in the animal kingdom they’re lightweights when it comes to booze. In the end, I would have to think that the Buccaneer would be too pissed drunk to fight well and the Panther, although also pissed drunk, would still take it. Winner: Panthers.
Oklahoma State Cowboys vs. Tennessee Volunteers: Well, cowboys can be a rough and tumble bunch, and like buccaneers, most of them get worse with their aim when they drink. Volunteers, (besides being an underrated Tom Hanks movie), are mostly know for being the first person in line to do something. Is that an advantage? Well yes because here, they’re first in line to whoop up on some cowboys. Winner: Volunteers.
Florida State Seminoles vs. Wisconsin Badgers: On one hand the Seminoles are a proud Native American tribe that President Andrew Jackson really hated, while on the other there are eight different types of badger and all of them smell bad. My research sadly did not find out how Andrew Jackson felt about badgers, but it’s safe to assume he hated them too. What does this have to do with the two of them having it out in a bar fight? Absolutely nothing. Winner: Seminoles
Xavier Musketeers vs. Portland State Vikings: The poor Vikings. You’d think that they’d fare better in my little bar fight experiment, but I’ve got to pick against them again. A Viking is ferocious and knows how to drink, but Xavier’s mascot is D'Artagnan from the Three Musketeers, and that is a damn good candy bar. Giving a Musketeer a broken beer bottle is just like handing him the rapier he’s used to using anyway. Besides, what goes great with beer and a bar fight - that’s right, chocolate and whipped nougat. Winner: Musketeers
VCU Rams vs. UCLA Bruins: Here’s a bar fight between a bear and a ram from schools who like to go by their initials and looking at the actual fight, I have to go Bruins. The Ram can’t hold the one weapon I gave it because all it has are hooves, plus its one offensive move is to rush headfirst, bonk into something and then do it again. The Bear simply need to step aside and watch the poor thing crash into the wall. Winner: Bruins
American University Eagles vs. Villanova Wildcats: The only reason why I even know there is an American University was because my cousin got his undergrad degree from there before getting his law degree from Duke. While this means both of his alma mater’s are in the tournament, only one of them will be advancing past round one. And while patriotic, unless they’re golden, Eagles just don’t win bar fights. Winner: Wildcats
Texas Longhorns vs. Minnesota Golden Gophers: So here’s another golden mascot, but unlike the soaring majestic eagle, this one is a friggin’ gopher. Come on, a gopher in a bar fight against a big burly bull with long horns – from Texas! No contest. Winner: Longhorns
Duke Blue Devils vs. Binghamton Bearcats: What exactly is a bearcat? Is it half bear, half cat? Because if that were the case, that would awesome. No, bearcat is another name for a binturong, which sounds like something out of Lord of The Rings. Binturong’s live in Asian rainforests and from all the research I did, pass out after one sip of beer. Blue Devils are Satan’s minions who have spent too much time in the cold. They also drink and fight like sons of bitches. Winner: Blue Devils
SOUTH REGION ROUND ONE
North Carolina Tar Heels vs. Radford Highlanders: This one was another tough one. I mean, everyone knows that Highlanders live forever. On the other side are the Tar Heels. Tar Heel is a nickname that North Carolinians got during the Civil War because their soldiers stuck to their ranks like they had tar on their heels. So, you’ve got a guy who doesn’t leave because he’s stuck verses an immortal waiting around for the time of the gathering. Highlanders do have one weakness however, and that’s cutting off their heads. A guy who can’t leave because he’s stuck will have plenty of time to use his broken beer bottle to do just that. Winner: Tar Heels
LSU Fighting Tigers vs. Butler Bulldogs: How many stupid tigers are in this tournament anyway - Clemson, Missouri, Memphis and now, LSU. In this case however, LSU also puts the word “fighting” in their name, which stands to reason would help someone out a lot when in a fight. Also, if the bulldog mascot didn’t win against a husky, what makes you think it’s got a chance against a Fighting Tiger? Winner: Tigers
Western Kentucky Hilltoppers vs. Illinois Fighting Illini: What’s on top of a hill? Well, if you’re Western Kentucky apparently it’s this big red thing that looks like Grimace and Elmo’s bastard love child. That is not a hill I want to be on top of anytime ever. Meanwhile, the Fighting Illini were named after Native Americans, but reversed that in the 1990’s and now claim to be named for Illinois natives who fought in World War I. WWI? Really? Whatever. I’ll take a WWI vet over a sunburned Grimace in a bar fight. Winner: Fighting WWI Guys
Gonzaga Bulldogs vs. Akron Zips: College teams need to pick some more diverse mascots. That’s three for the bulldog camp and I already picked against them twice. It’s easy to actually pick for the bulldog this time around though because in this bar fight they’re going against a Zip, which isn’t anything other than onomatopoeia. Actually it’s short for Zippers, which help keep your pants closed. And while convenient in everyday society, it does dick for you in a bar fight. Winner: Gonzaga
Temple Owls vs. Arizona State Sun Devils: What good are owls anyway? Before JK Rowling made them postal carriers, all they ever did was eat your Tootsie Pop and spew out false knowledge while wearing a mortarboard - designed only to make them appear smart. It was all a ruse! A ruse to get my Tootsie Pops! Bastards! Winner: Sun Devils
Syracuse Orange vs. Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks: So here you have a school with a lumberjack mascot named after a guy who was never a lumberjack and a school that decided to simply take a color as a mascot. What good is a color in a bar fight? You’d think that a lumberjack would be pretty decent in a fight, especially one in a bar. But, you’re forgetting that nothing rhymes with orange. Checkmate! Winner: Orange
Clemson Tigers vs. Michigan Wolverines: I‘m from Columbus, Ohio. Winner: Tigers
Oklahoma Sooners vs. Morgan State Bears: We all know what a bear is because like Tigers and Bulldogs and Devils, universities seem to be only able to name themselves after four or five of the same things. A Sooner on the other hand is the nickname of a person who participated in the land rush of 1889 when all the land that used belong to the Native Americans was given away – for free! That’s cold blooded and you do not want to mess with a person like that in a bar fight - even if you are a bear. Winner: Sooners
Jack DeVoss
ScoreOnAir.com
Ohio Center for Broadcasting - Columbus
Pittsburgh Panthers vs. East Tennessee State Buccaneers: This one was tough to pick. Buccaneers not only know how to fight, but they know how to drink pretty well too. Panthers can fight, but in the animal kingdom they’re lightweights when it comes to booze. In the end, I would have to think that the Buccaneer would be too pissed drunk to fight well and the Panther, although also pissed drunk, would still take it. Winner: Panthers.
Oklahoma State Cowboys vs. Tennessee Volunteers: Well, cowboys can be a rough and tumble bunch, and like buccaneers, most of them get worse with their aim when they drink. Volunteers, (besides being an underrated Tom Hanks movie), are mostly know for being the first person in line to do something. Is that an advantage? Well yes because here, they’re first in line to whoop up on some cowboys. Winner: Volunteers.
Florida State Seminoles vs. Wisconsin Badgers: On one hand the Seminoles are a proud Native American tribe that President Andrew Jackson really hated, while on the other there are eight different types of badger and all of them smell bad. My research sadly did not find out how Andrew Jackson felt about badgers, but it’s safe to assume he hated them too. What does this have to do with the two of them having it out in a bar fight? Absolutely nothing. Winner: Seminoles
Xavier Musketeers vs. Portland State Vikings: The poor Vikings. You’d think that they’d fare better in my little bar fight experiment, but I’ve got to pick against them again. A Viking is ferocious and knows how to drink, but Xavier’s mascot is D'Artagnan from the Three Musketeers, and that is a damn good candy bar. Giving a Musketeer a broken beer bottle is just like handing him the rapier he’s used to using anyway. Besides, what goes great with beer and a bar fight - that’s right, chocolate and whipped nougat. Winner: Musketeers
VCU Rams vs. UCLA Bruins: Here’s a bar fight between a bear and a ram from schools who like to go by their initials and looking at the actual fight, I have to go Bruins. The Ram can’t hold the one weapon I gave it because all it has are hooves, plus its one offensive move is to rush headfirst, bonk into something and then do it again. The Bear simply need to step aside and watch the poor thing crash into the wall. Winner: Bruins
American University Eagles vs. Villanova Wildcats: The only reason why I even know there is an American University was because my cousin got his undergrad degree from there before getting his law degree from Duke. While this means both of his alma mater’s are in the tournament, only one of them will be advancing past round one. And while patriotic, unless they’re golden, Eagles just don’t win bar fights. Winner: Wildcats
Texas Longhorns vs. Minnesota Golden Gophers: So here’s another golden mascot, but unlike the soaring majestic eagle, this one is a friggin’ gopher. Come on, a gopher in a bar fight against a big burly bull with long horns – from Texas! No contest. Winner: Longhorns
Duke Blue Devils vs. Binghamton Bearcats: What exactly is a bearcat? Is it half bear, half cat? Because if that were the case, that would awesome. No, bearcat is another name for a binturong, which sounds like something out of Lord of The Rings. Binturong’s live in Asian rainforests and from all the research I did, pass out after one sip of beer. Blue Devils are Satan’s minions who have spent too much time in the cold. They also drink and fight like sons of bitches. Winner: Blue Devils
SOUTH REGION ROUND ONE
North Carolina Tar Heels vs. Radford Highlanders: This one was another tough one. I mean, everyone knows that Highlanders live forever. On the other side are the Tar Heels. Tar Heel is a nickname that North Carolinians got during the Civil War because their soldiers stuck to their ranks like they had tar on their heels. So, you’ve got a guy who doesn’t leave because he’s stuck verses an immortal waiting around for the time of the gathering. Highlanders do have one weakness however, and that’s cutting off their heads. A guy who can’t leave because he’s stuck will have plenty of time to use his broken beer bottle to do just that. Winner: Tar Heels
LSU Fighting Tigers vs. Butler Bulldogs: How many stupid tigers are in this tournament anyway - Clemson, Missouri, Memphis and now, LSU. In this case however, LSU also puts the word “fighting” in their name, which stands to reason would help someone out a lot when in a fight. Also, if the bulldog mascot didn’t win against a husky, what makes you think it’s got a chance against a Fighting Tiger? Winner: Tigers
Western Kentucky Hilltoppers vs. Illinois Fighting Illini: What’s on top of a hill? Well, if you’re Western Kentucky apparently it’s this big red thing that looks like Grimace and Elmo’s bastard love child. That is not a hill I want to be on top of anytime ever. Meanwhile, the Fighting Illini were named after Native Americans, but reversed that in the 1990’s and now claim to be named for Illinois natives who fought in World War I. WWI? Really? Whatever. I’ll take a WWI vet over a sunburned Grimace in a bar fight. Winner: Fighting WWI Guys
Gonzaga Bulldogs vs. Akron Zips: College teams need to pick some more diverse mascots. That’s three for the bulldog camp and I already picked against them twice. It’s easy to actually pick for the bulldog this time around though because in this bar fight they’re going against a Zip, which isn’t anything other than onomatopoeia. Actually it’s short for Zippers, which help keep your pants closed. And while convenient in everyday society, it does dick for you in a bar fight. Winner: Gonzaga
Temple Owls vs. Arizona State Sun Devils: What good are owls anyway? Before JK Rowling made them postal carriers, all they ever did was eat your Tootsie Pop and spew out false knowledge while wearing a mortarboard - designed only to make them appear smart. It was all a ruse! A ruse to get my Tootsie Pops! Bastards! Winner: Sun Devils
Syracuse Orange vs. Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks: So here you have a school with a lumberjack mascot named after a guy who was never a lumberjack and a school that decided to simply take a color as a mascot. What good is a color in a bar fight? You’d think that a lumberjack would be pretty decent in a fight, especially one in a bar. But, you’re forgetting that nothing rhymes with orange. Checkmate! Winner: Orange
Clemson Tigers vs. Michigan Wolverines: I‘m from Columbus, Ohio. Winner: Tigers
Oklahoma Sooners vs. Morgan State Bears: We all know what a bear is because like Tigers and Bulldogs and Devils, universities seem to be only able to name themselves after four or five of the same things. A Sooner on the other hand is the nickname of a person who participated in the land rush of 1889 when all the land that used belong to the Native Americans was given away – for free! That’s cold blooded and you do not want to mess with a person like that in a bar fight - even if you are a bear. Winner: Sooners
Jack DeVoss
ScoreOnAir.com
Ohio Center for Broadcasting - Columbus
NCAA Bracket Blog Part ONE
I am once again using my tried and true method of selecting my NCAA tournament brackets. I look at each team's mascot side by side, put a broken beer bottle in their hand/limb/appendage and then pick whichever I think would win in bar fight. As the games are about to begin, let’s take a look at how this strategy got me to my final four. Later, we’ll see how it all worked out for me in this year’s tournament.
MIDWEST REGION ROUND ONE
Louisville Cardinals vs. Morehead State Eagles: Normally, an eagle would tear a cardinal to shreds in thirty seconds, but in the NCAA tournament when an eagle is the 16th seed and the cardinal is the 1 seed, it means the exact opposite. Winner: Cardinals
Ohio State Buckeyes vs. Sienna Saints: This one was easy. You’ve got a guy with a giant poison nut for a head verses a guy who earned his whole title by being a pacifist. I took the nut over the guy who won’t fight. Winner: Buckeyes
Utah Utes vs. Arizona Wildcats: A lot of people don’t know what a Ute is unless they’ve watched My Cousin Vinny or more accurately, the History Channel. A Ute is a Native American Tribe that once thrived in Utah and Colorado. Now, put these two in a bar fight and there’s no way you take the wildcat. Native American mythology uses the wildcat a lot, and they own them every time. Winner: Utes
Wake Forest Demon Deacons vs. Cleveland State Vikings: Now, a Viking is a pretty formable opponent, especially in a bar fight. Vikings were known for imbibing the mead a little too much, and when you add to that their propensity for raping and pillaging, that’s a pretty good combo. However, the Wake Forest mascot is both a deacon, and an infernal spawn of Hell. No matter how many horns you have on you’re helmet, there’s just no way of stopping that. A demon’s horns are natural. This would’ve been harder to gauge if Wake Forest were playing Sienna. Winner: Demon Deacons
West Virginia Mountaineers vs. Dayton Flyers: What do most flyers try to avoid? If you said mountains then you are correct. A flyer and a mountaineer are both well equipped for high altitudes, but in a bar fight you give it to the guy who knows how to live up there all the time. Winner: Mountaineers.
Kansas Jayhawks vs. North Dakota State Bison: Again, no contest. Bison were so easy to kill that we had to stop because we killed them much faster than they made more bison. A Jayhawk is not a real bird, but rather it’s a mythical cross between two common birds, the noisy blue jay and the quiet sparrow hawk. That type of duality makes for one pretty good mythical bird barroom brawler especially against an animal most well know for almost going extinct. Winner: Jayhawks
Michigan State Spartans vs. Robert Morris Colonials: On one hand you’ve got the Spartans, who were known for being the absolute toughest badasses ever and are very handy with bladed weapons. On the other you’ve got a Colonial - not a Minuteman or a Revolutionary, a Colonial. Technically, a Colonial is nothing more than some guy who lives in a colony. You need more than your zip code when going up against a Spartan with a broken PBR bottle in his hand. Winner: Spartans.
WEST REGION ROUND ONE
Connecticut Huskies vs. University of Tennessee at Chattanooga Mocs: The University of Tennessee at Chattanooga’s mascot are the Mocs, which at first I thought was short for moccasin, and it was until 1996, but now it turns out they changed it to some sort of mockingbird driving a train. That’s just dumb. I took the rabid dog over the bird in a train. Winner: Huskies
Brigham Young University Cougars vs. Texas A&M Aggies: In order to determine this one I first had to figure out what the heck is an Aggie. It turns out it’s the nickname for someone who goes to an agricultural school. That’s not very tough, especially when you’re in a bar fight with a cougar. Luckily the cougar is more interested in trying to sleep with you than fight. Winner: Aggies (Oh, wait, that’s not the type of cougar they’re named after…oh well).
Purdue Boilermakers vs. Northern Iowa Panthers: While it’s true that a boilermaker is a glass of beer with a shot of whiskey, it’s also the nickname of workers who mold and heat metal into large plates. I like the drink theme better, especially in a bar fight. What’s a panther going to do up against a glass of beer and a shot of whiskey – exactly what I would do – drink it and then pass out happy. Winner: Boilermakers
Washington Huskies vs. Mississippi State Bulldogs: Finally, mascots I don’t have to research! They’re both just regular old dogs. I took the Huskies even though it meant a potential husky vs. husky matchup later on in the region. Bulldogs may be tenacious, but huskies have the endurance you need to win a bar fight. It can be a long drawn out affair sometimes, especially if the bartender doesn’t call the cops right away. Winner: Huskies
Marquette Golden Eagles vs. Utah State Aggies: Sorry Aggies, I gave you one fight against a cougar but until a Golden Eagle becomes a nickname for some older hot chick, it’s just a bird with big talons. Winner: Golden Eagles
Missouri Tigers vs. Cornell: Technically Cornell doesn’t have a mascot. They have an unofficial mascot – the Big Red Bear. That’s a pretty weird commitment-phobia you have there Cornell! Guess what, in the fantasy bar fight in my mind, your “unofficial” Big Red Bear just ain’t going to cut it against Missouri’s “official” Tiger. Winner: Tigers
California Golden Bears vs. Maryland Terrapins: California has done what Cornell can’t seem to do; it has picked a bear mascot and made it official. It liked it so much it put a ring on it. Now it gets to throw down against a terrapin, which is a turtle - a really, really small turtle. So small, that without an opposable thumb, the Bears massive paws and claws are useless. This bar fight will take forever but the turtle ends up victorious. Winner: Terrapins
Memphis Tigers vs. CSU Northridge Matadors: This region stinks. It presents not only a possible Husky vs. Husky matchup, but also a Tigers vs. Tigers scenario. Still, this is a pretty cool bar fight! I mean a matador verse a tiger! That’s insane! Matadors are used to fighting animals, and tigers are used to getting into bar fights, so I was really looking forward to this battle until I realized that tigers don’t really ever get into bar fights and matadors kill bulls that have already been tortured for hours beforehand. With a tiger, old Matty Matador has to fight someone fresh and not tortured. Winner: Tigers
Jack DeVoss
ScoreOnAir.com
Ohio Center for Broadcasting
MIDWEST REGION ROUND ONE
Louisville Cardinals vs. Morehead State Eagles: Normally, an eagle would tear a cardinal to shreds in thirty seconds, but in the NCAA tournament when an eagle is the 16th seed and the cardinal is the 1 seed, it means the exact opposite. Winner: Cardinals
Ohio State Buckeyes vs. Sienna Saints: This one was easy. You’ve got a guy with a giant poison nut for a head verses a guy who earned his whole title by being a pacifist. I took the nut over the guy who won’t fight. Winner: Buckeyes
Utah Utes vs. Arizona Wildcats: A lot of people don’t know what a Ute is unless they’ve watched My Cousin Vinny or more accurately, the History Channel. A Ute is a Native American Tribe that once thrived in Utah and Colorado. Now, put these two in a bar fight and there’s no way you take the wildcat. Native American mythology uses the wildcat a lot, and they own them every time. Winner: Utes
Wake Forest Demon Deacons vs. Cleveland State Vikings: Now, a Viking is a pretty formable opponent, especially in a bar fight. Vikings were known for imbibing the mead a little too much, and when you add to that their propensity for raping and pillaging, that’s a pretty good combo. However, the Wake Forest mascot is both a deacon, and an infernal spawn of Hell. No matter how many horns you have on you’re helmet, there’s just no way of stopping that. A demon’s horns are natural. This would’ve been harder to gauge if Wake Forest were playing Sienna. Winner: Demon Deacons
West Virginia Mountaineers vs. Dayton Flyers: What do most flyers try to avoid? If you said mountains then you are correct. A flyer and a mountaineer are both well equipped for high altitudes, but in a bar fight you give it to the guy who knows how to live up there all the time. Winner: Mountaineers.
Kansas Jayhawks vs. North Dakota State Bison: Again, no contest. Bison were so easy to kill that we had to stop because we killed them much faster than they made more bison. A Jayhawk is not a real bird, but rather it’s a mythical cross between two common birds, the noisy blue jay and the quiet sparrow hawk. That type of duality makes for one pretty good mythical bird barroom brawler especially against an animal most well know for almost going extinct. Winner: Jayhawks
Michigan State Spartans vs. Robert Morris Colonials: On one hand you’ve got the Spartans, who were known for being the absolute toughest badasses ever and are very handy with bladed weapons. On the other you’ve got a Colonial - not a Minuteman or a Revolutionary, a Colonial. Technically, a Colonial is nothing more than some guy who lives in a colony. You need more than your zip code when going up against a Spartan with a broken PBR bottle in his hand. Winner: Spartans.
WEST REGION ROUND ONE
Connecticut Huskies vs. University of Tennessee at Chattanooga Mocs: The University of Tennessee at Chattanooga’s mascot are the Mocs, which at first I thought was short for moccasin, and it was until 1996, but now it turns out they changed it to some sort of mockingbird driving a train. That’s just dumb. I took the rabid dog over the bird in a train. Winner: Huskies
Brigham Young University Cougars vs. Texas A&M Aggies: In order to determine this one I first had to figure out what the heck is an Aggie. It turns out it’s the nickname for someone who goes to an agricultural school. That’s not very tough, especially when you’re in a bar fight with a cougar. Luckily the cougar is more interested in trying to sleep with you than fight. Winner: Aggies (Oh, wait, that’s not the type of cougar they’re named after…oh well).
Purdue Boilermakers vs. Northern Iowa Panthers: While it’s true that a boilermaker is a glass of beer with a shot of whiskey, it’s also the nickname of workers who mold and heat metal into large plates. I like the drink theme better, especially in a bar fight. What’s a panther going to do up against a glass of beer and a shot of whiskey – exactly what I would do – drink it and then pass out happy. Winner: Boilermakers
Washington Huskies vs. Mississippi State Bulldogs: Finally, mascots I don’t have to research! They’re both just regular old dogs. I took the Huskies even though it meant a potential husky vs. husky matchup later on in the region. Bulldogs may be tenacious, but huskies have the endurance you need to win a bar fight. It can be a long drawn out affair sometimes, especially if the bartender doesn’t call the cops right away. Winner: Huskies
Marquette Golden Eagles vs. Utah State Aggies: Sorry Aggies, I gave you one fight against a cougar but until a Golden Eagle becomes a nickname for some older hot chick, it’s just a bird with big talons. Winner: Golden Eagles
Missouri Tigers vs. Cornell: Technically Cornell doesn’t have a mascot. They have an unofficial mascot – the Big Red Bear. That’s a pretty weird commitment-phobia you have there Cornell! Guess what, in the fantasy bar fight in my mind, your “unofficial” Big Red Bear just ain’t going to cut it against Missouri’s “official” Tiger. Winner: Tigers
California Golden Bears vs. Maryland Terrapins: California has done what Cornell can’t seem to do; it has picked a bear mascot and made it official. It liked it so much it put a ring on it. Now it gets to throw down against a terrapin, which is a turtle - a really, really small turtle. So small, that without an opposable thumb, the Bears massive paws and claws are useless. This bar fight will take forever but the turtle ends up victorious. Winner: Terrapins
Memphis Tigers vs. CSU Northridge Matadors: This region stinks. It presents not only a possible Husky vs. Husky matchup, but also a Tigers vs. Tigers scenario. Still, this is a pretty cool bar fight! I mean a matador verse a tiger! That’s insane! Matadors are used to fighting animals, and tigers are used to getting into bar fights, so I was really looking forward to this battle until I realized that tigers don’t really ever get into bar fights and matadors kill bulls that have already been tortured for hours beforehand. With a tiger, old Matty Matador has to fight someone fresh and not tortured. Winner: Tigers
Jack DeVoss
ScoreOnAir.com
Ohio Center for Broadcasting
Thursday, March 19, 2009
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